You may have heard that Lobo is one of the latest DC heroes to get his own ongoing book. Well, ya heard wrong, Clyde. ’Cause yeah, Lobo’s getting his own book, but there ain’t no way you could call the Main Man a hero. Sure, he’s a tough bastich to take down. And he’ll get whatever job you need done if you’ve got the creds. But a hero? You gotta be out of your fraggin’ mind.

I mean, Feetal’s Gizz. Lobo’s the best there is at what he does, and what he does is kill a guy so hard that their kids can feel it. Here are just a few clips from the highlight reel that should keep him banned from any Justice League roster for life. But we’re warning you right now: don’t let your kids see this one. Go put on Teen Titans Go! for them or something.

Are they gone? Good. Now take a look at that time Lobo murdered Santa Claus.
 

Lobo Paramilitary Christmas Special

Guys like to talk a big game about Deathstroke, like he’s the world’s greatest merc or some keeze. And yeah, he talks a big game. But who’s he actually taken out? Can you name even ONE Teen Titan, after a career of taking his complex out on them? Well, Lobo’s got a bigger kill under his belt than just about anybody. Many have tried, and all have failed to take down Santa until Lobo walked up to that bowl full of jelly…and stripped off his head from his neck with a machete.

And yeah, we butchered that rhyme, but take a look around. Does it look like we’re at a fraggin’ poetry reading?!?
 

Reign in Hell #5

Santa not enough for you? You want to see Lobo take down an actual superhero? Well how about one of the first superheroes ever, tough guy? In the underworld-spanning saga of Reign in Hell, a demon-fighting Lobo can be credited with lopping off the head of one of DC’s first magical powerhouses, the original Zatara. Lobo didn’t even stop to break stride from the hell hordes he was battling. He just heard that backwards magic and knew what to do. You can’t be casting that backwards magic if your head’s not connected to your lungs. Roll safe.
 

Lobo Cancellation Special

Maybe you’ve got a taste for something that actually came out this decade. If that’s you, then you may want to feast your eyes on the gorgeous gore of the recent Lobo Cancellation Special. What do you need to know about it? Well, Lobo accepts a contract to frag someone named Murdercrotch Slaughterface. That should tell you pretty much everything.
 

Lobo’s Back #3

Not even death itself can keep Lobo from being the most brutal bastich around. Caught in red tape in the afterlife in Lobo’s Back, the Main Man found himself in the unenviable situation where everyone he could even hypothetically frag was already dead. Leave it to Lobo to come up with a creative solution. Let’s see some more.
 

Lobo Convention Special

Learn to draw comics, the Lobo way. (In gore.)
 

Lobo: Fragtastic Voyage

Yeah, I can’t even explain what’s going on here. It certainly doesn’t look comfortable.
 

Lobo #22

When guns and muscles don’t do it for you, there’s always the gruesome option of swallowing your enemies whole. Or, at the very least, befriending a giant bug to do it for you. Such was the case of Neron-empowered one-time villain the Bugmeister, who gave up his own soul for bug powers. Unfortunately, he would soon learn from Lobo that there’s always a bigger bug. What a shame. Bugmeister hardly even got to drive his new powers off the lot before he was sent packing back to the ultimate dealer.

But of course, that wasn’t the first time Lobo played with insects. There’s no fragging more notorious than the one that spread Lobo’s name across the stars…
 

Lobo #0

You may have heard the legends that Lobo killed his entire race for a science project. (He gave himself an A.) But you may be less familiar with the particulars. In Lobo #0, we learn that the Main Man engineered an alien mosquito-borne super virus, enveloping the entire planet’s population in an excruciating, fatal plague of pus and bile—saving the inoculation for himself. Honestly, Ra’s al Ghul wishes he could make moves like this.

Let this be the final lesson for today: if Lobo can’t kick your bones out, he can give you an infection so bad you’ll beg for a live grenade. Hail to the king, baby.
 

Lobo #1 by Skottie Young, Jorge Corona and Jean-Francois Beaulieu is now available in print and as a digital comic book.

Alex Jaffe is the author of our monthly "Ask the Question" column and writes about TV, movies, comics and superhero history for DC.com. Follow him on Bluesky at @AlexJaffe and find him in the DC Official Discord server as HubCityQuestion.

NOTE: The views and opinions expressed in this feature are solely those of Alex Jaffe and do not necessarily reflect those of DC or Warner Bros. Discovery, nor should they be read as confirmation or denial of future DC plans.