Looking for the real dirt on your favorite costume-clad celebs? You’re in the right place, as the always informed Splash Pannell keeps us on top of the fights, flings and latest DCU gossip in this sensationally savage column.
 

Hope you’ve packed an appetite for dysfunction, lovelies and lowlies! DC’s own Splash Pannell is back at it again with a DC Dish hot enough to put Green Arrow’s chili to shame. And word around the Watchtower is that, much like yours truly, that boy likes it SPICY. We’ve got the celebs, the smackdowns and the superhero-sized drama to last you a month before you come back begging for more, more, more. For now, take a seat and slap on a bib, baby, because we’re about to FEED you.
 

UNHAPPY HARBOR?

Before we dish on absolutely anything else, we have to talk about what’s going on in Rhode Island. Happy Harbor’s Mt. Justice, the first home of the Justice League of America before they decided they’d rather look down on us from space, is playing house for the Titans, who are newly homeless after all their T-shaped towers got blown up in that whole King Omega tournament business. (See DC K.O.) Swinging in like they own the town, the new team has already taken to calling the place “Mount Titans.” Happy Harbor’s mayor, the baby-consuming demon Nebiros, has yet to welcome the town’s new celebrities, but we imagine they’ll be rendezvousing soon. (In upcoming New Titans issues, no doubt.)

So, a new home…but also some questionable new faces. We’ve already dished on former Titans traitor Terra, getting herself a third (fourth?) chance through Luthor’s Villain Amnesty Program with the JLU. (See Justice League Unlimited for more on that.) Joining her is Blue Devil’s sidekick Red Devil, Boise-Brazilian Wonder Girl Yara Flor, the funny Batgirl who’s not the smart one or the tough one, and some new android named Eva who is probably going to betray the team in three months if their track record with new recruits is anything to go by.

They’ve also got the younger Superman…we think? Reports on that seem a little conflicted with what’s happening in Metropolis, where the suspiciously Young Superman-shaped masked hero “Tomorrow Man” is mentoring the even younger Superboy…who seems to be crashing out just a tiny bit. What’s the deal there? We guess if Batman is the last defense against a rampant Superman, then Robin’s here to handle the fun size copy. (As you may well see in Superman Unlimited.)
 

HIT AND RÜN

Speaking of crashouts, Titans leader Nightwing has really been taking it on the chin. With one rumored longtime girlfriend in prison and another beau and teammate, Tamaranean space princess Starfire, consciously uncoupling from the Titans to go party in space, the stock for Blüdhaven’s Boy Blue has rarely been lower. If you’re a Haven resident, stay off the road—Nightwing is currently wanted for the deaths of no fewer than five people hit by his car in a recent bridge pileup. We hear Nightwing is claiming that local cryptid the “Woman in White,” also known as the Blüdhaven Witch, took control of his car and got those people killed. Sure, Boy Wonder. And Bigfoot’s responsible for my unpaid parking tickets. (Keep your eyes on the road in Nightwing.)
 

THE MAIN MAN’S MAIN EVENT

What? A fatal bridge pileup not enough for ya? Well, you’re frightening me, but I’ve got a scoop for you all the same. And by “scoop,” I mean a shovelful of wanton destruction.

This month, Lobo and Supergirl have been scraping it up across the universe like they’ve got a movie to promote or something. The Girl of Steel showed up in the Main Man’s life recently to interrupt a heist on a satellite Fortress of Solitude way out in Plinko Astra. The ensuing scrap caused more property damage than the score was worth. Lobo was remanded to psychiatric care, while his dog Dawg was placed in Supergirl’s custody. Predictably, all that only made Lobo madder, until he broke out and came down to Midvale to finish the fight. With significantly less (but still not zero) collateral damage for this Round 2, Supergirl got the bounty hunter back in check. They’re cool now. Their dogs are friends. (Catch both rounds in Lobo #4 and Summer of Supergirl.)
 

THE SKIES ARE EMPTY, FOR ALL THE STARS ARE HERE

We’ll wrap on some lighter celebrity news, with a spaceborne ingénue taking Hollywood by storm and an old favorite once written off making a huge comeback. First, as anyone with a pulse and an internet connection knows, film-lovers worldwide have developed a serious Odyssey obsession.

…As in Odyssey the Time Bandit! She’s a time traveling thief from the 26th century who followed Green Lantern here to hunt down some dangerous escaped alien convicts, only to be discovered by director Don Darlington, who’s given her the lead in his newest movie. Considering the crimes she’s wanted for won’t be committed for another 500 years, legal has officially cleared her for the promo tour. (Which you can follow through Green Lantern, with Kyle Rayner by her side.)

And lastly, the long languishing unauthorized Batman biopic Avenger has finally found its star in the one actor who may know the elusive crusader best, horror actor Basil Karlo, the original Clayface. Now reformed, Karlo has embarked on an amnesty program of his own to use his shapeshifting powers only for box office gold. But we hear he better watch his back, there may be some other Clayfaces out there ready to claim his time in the spotlight. (Watch the picture come together—or crumble apart—in Clayface: Celebrity Dirt.)

That’s all for now, archfoes and henchpeople. We’ll catch you next time with some brand-new dishes for your palate. Palette? One of those. This is why we have editors, darling.
 

Splash Pannell is a journalist of few personal achievements, but their Bizarro clone has been up for several Pulitzer Prize awards. The clone’s work is usually nominated by DC.com contributor Alex Jaffe, out of spite.

NOTE: The views and opinions expressed in this feature are solely those of Splash Pannell and do not necessarily reflect those of DC or Warner Bros. Discovery, nor should they be read as confirmation or denial of future DC plans.