Looking for the real dirt on your favorite costume-clad celebs? You’re in the right place, as the always informed Splash Pannell keeps us on top of the fights, flings and latest DCU gossip in this sensationally savage column.
 

What is happening, my lovely Dishes? But why am I the one asking? That’s what I’m here to tell YOU! Your beloved Splash Pannell, your correspondent to the Heroes of Earth-0, has returned once more with the juiciest plums our favorite All-Stars have got in their plum trees. We’re talking gossip, girl. You don’t have to pull monitor duty on the Watchtower to see what’s up! We’re here to spill more Capital T than you’ll find on Mister Terrific’s face, so let’s get to talking.
 

THE “S” IS FOR “SUBSTITUTE”

Look, up in the sky! No, that’s not Superman. He’s still off taking care of some mystery Superman business. But it does look like the skies over Metropolis are more crowded with S’es than they’ve been since Big Blue took the Metro express to Doomsday. While Supergirl seems to be trying out bold new bottle-sized fashion choices down Kandor way (symbiotic goo-suit, anyone?), the long-lamented Kid Superboy seems to finally be back home for good just in time to miss his dad. But don’t worry. He’s got his own superhero big brother in the masked “Tomorrow Man,” who was seen helping him take down a Kryptonite powered monkey that was overheard answering to “Beppo.” We’ll be looking out for James G. to shop for the movie rights.

And that’s not all! Do you recall how Superboy-Prime, reformed world-killer and unreformed comic book nerd is trying for that Metropolis second chance? Our x-ray visioned sources spotted him at a Metropolis goth club making time with former Power Company hero Witchfire. Maybe it’s true what they say about Kryptonians being weak for magic after all. (Check out Supergirl, Superman Unlimited and Superman for all the deets on the Super-Subs.)
 

NEW POWERS, WHO DIS?

Supergirl’s new “Matrix Suit” isn’t the only sweet new DCU power-up. Though it is the most fashionable. Kara, let’s be honest with each other—you were born for the white and baby blue!

But anyhow, remember those King Omega upgrades going around? Well, hot off of running the recent trend of throwing yourself into danger for fame and fortune out of Central City, we’re getting reports that the Flash has discovered a new power to evoke So Raven-like peeks into the future (and we’re not talking Teen Titans). Using this new power to cut off Crises before they even happen, the Scarlet Speedster has been calling these little episodes “Flashes of insight,” because of course he does. Out in the Midwest, there’s no outrunning corny. (Outrun the present with him, though, in The Flash.)
 

WHO WATCHES THE WATCHTOWER?

Metropolis and Central City may be covered, but in this Disher’s humble opinion, the Justice League is a mess right now. While the top brass keeps telling us they have their villain amnesty program in check, I’ve got it on good authority that the League has just lost track of the Power Bank, the extreme liability of a “back-up system” they’ve got to restore their superpowers if they ever get taken, for the second time this year. (You can thank Guy Gardner, in Justice League Unlimited.)

Meanwhile, the superhero community can’t even seem to keep their own in check. Firestorm’s taken out an entire super-squadron dispatched to subdue him in the ruins of Bedford Massachusetts, while the JSA is just barely hanging on to an out of control Spectre in New York City. The old guard is trying to locate the missing human host for the Spectre entity while they cycle between the super-ghost as super-hosts, but it looks like that strategy’s not gonna last long if they want to keep the New York population numbers up. (See the carnage yourself in The Fury of Firestorm and JSA.)
 

BARB BEHIND BARS

And what of Gotham? Oh, we didn’t forget. With publishers critical of Mayor Isley’s regime mysteriously disappearing in the middle of the night, there’s not much we can say on the issue (outside of what you can read in Poison Ivy, that is). But we can pass on reports that Batman himself has been calling for Isley’s resignation. This all comes on the heels of Police Commissioner Savage’s very ambitious “Operation Peregrine,” descending his militarized police force on dozens of alleged Batman-aligned safehouses in a single night. We can’t say for sure how much they actually got out of it other than a big show of scary force, with one exception: they got Batman’s tech support lady.

Barbara Gordon, daughter of the former Commissioner Gordon who now gets Vandal his coffee, has been arrested and placed in the new Gotham Supermax prison as the first of Batman’s very extended family to get brought in by the Savage administration. We’re getting reports that Gordon has already been attacked by some of Batman’s enemies in custody but remains alive for the moment. (Follow her progress in Barbara Gordon: Breakout.)

Batman offered no comment on Operation Peregrine…other than to blow up Vandal Savage’s home, the former Wayne Manor, and place his own Bat-Signal into Gotham’s night sky composed of thousands of LED drones. (Coverage continues in Batman…the one with the low numbers, not the high numbers. That one’s under wraps.) I don’t know about you, but to me it looks like we’re ramping up for another good ol’ fashioned Gotham War.

That’s it for now, but as usual, your faithful servant Splash will be back with more next month as these Bad Seeds start to sprout. Now, where did I put that weed killer…?
 

Splash Pannell is classified as a “general nuisance” by the DEO. Their first book, “Maps to the Stars’ Secret Lairs,” is still seeking a publisher. They remain at large, no matter how many times Alex Jaffe attempts to reset his email password.

NOTE: The views and opinions expressed in this feature are solely those of Splash Pannell and do not necessarily reflect those of DC or Warner Bros. Discovery, nor should they be read as confirmation or denial of future DC plans.