Looking for the real dirt on your favorite costume-clad celebs? You’re in the right place, as the always informed Splash Pannell keeps us on top of the fights, flings and latest DCU gossip in this sensationally savage column.
It’s that time of the month again, my lovely lowlies. Is that the TroubAlert I hear on the wind? No, that’s the dinner bell of The DC Dish for all you Hunger Dogs and Kittens out there. I’m Splash Pannell, your gossipmonger supreme among the cape and cowl set, and I’m here to get you the latest steamy secrets that those judo-flipping face-hiders don’t want you to know. This time around, we’ve got news from the front lines of the Kryptonite Capital, the latest chapters in the world’s messiest divorce, more teen drama among the Titans and what may well be the Sensational Hero Find of 2026. Let’s dig in!
SEMI-SUPERVISION
The global forecast remains radioactive as the Kryptonian war in the Kryptonite-rich nation of El Caldero keeps heating up. The good news is that Superman—the real Superman, we mean, not the Prime boy, or the clone, or any of the kids—is back from his post-DC K.O. sabbatical hanging out a thousand years in the future to get this whole Zod situation under control. It seems the win against Darkseid followed by a millennium of jetlag took a lot out of the champ, though. We’re hearing that General Zod brutally burned Superman’s right eye right out of his skull in the ensuing fight. It raises the question: we know Superman is invulnerable, but can he, like, regenerate? Signs point to increasing usage of the phrase “regeneration matrix” in the months to come. (Follow the eye-popping adventure in Supergirl, Action Comics, Superman, Superman Unlimited and the upcoming Kingdom of Zod Special.)
THERE’S ONLY ONE “I” IN DIVORCE
Speaking of missing eyes, though… Turning our attention to the so-called “world’s deadliest assassin,” it would appear Slade Wilson is no longer the sole monocular member of his own fractured family. Bounty hunter fans have no doubt been watching the death spiral that has been Deathstroke’s recent career, taking the most menial jobs in the black market as a doppelganger drains his resources and murders his friends—including longtime ally Billy Wintergreen. His daughter Rose, a follower in Daddy’s footsteps as the precognitive mercenary Ravager, seems to have lost an eye of her own in the same fallout.
The perpetrator? A mystery for weeks now, the Pseudo-Slade has been revealed to be none other than Deathstroke’s own ex-wife, Adeline Kane. Declassified records show that Kane and Slade first met in the military, where she taught a fresh Wilson everything he knows about combat and killing. One dead son and another handicapped son later, Kane is now on a one-woman mission to make the dispassionate Slade feel all the loss that she has, which, apparently, includes attempted murder of the daughter he had with another woman. (Get over to Deathstroke: The Terminator if you’re due for a shower, because this is where you’ll find all the soap.)
TEEN DRAMA GO!
Shifting gears a little bit to some other young heroes (including Ravager’s own rumored hooded hook-up buddy…but you didn’t hear that from me). So, remember how last time, I reported to you that Static, local teen hero of Dakota City, had been welcome onto the Titans roster? Well, apparently, my sources have it that was a decision Nightwing was supposed to run by the rest of the team first. Which he didn’t. It’s not that the team doesn’t approve of Static—in fact, the newly single hero and a certain blonde Batgirl appear to be hitting it off very well—it’s all just about trust and politics. We’ll see who gets too heated over this and ends up quitting. My money’s on Cyborg. (But you can find out by following New Titans.)
But all this hormonal business might explain why a new team of Titans wants nothing to do with them, spotted congregating on the other side of the country in Seattle. Hot on the trail of some missing kids with metahuman potential, these actual teenage Titans, each with little or no preceding reputation, have been seen following the guidance of Batman’s most controversial ex-Robin, Red Hood. Members of the team include a couple of nerds, a girl with a cat mask and two kids we have literally never seen before. I think one of the nerds may be Mr. Terrific’s son, but we’re still waiting for confirmation on that.
The whole squad looks like one of those teams Naruto had to fight in a Chuunin Exam qualifier, to be honest. And that’s not necessarily a dig. I love those guys. (Naturally, you can follow these kids in Teen Titans #1 and beyond.)
PIZZA POWER!
Let’s refocus, though. These new unruly Teen Titans aren’t even close to the hottest thing happening on the West Coast right now. That, of course, would be the new food-based super-team in Los Angeles, who debuted this month alongside the notorious Batman nemesis Condiment King to stop the opening of a new Big Belly Burger location there. You know who we’re talking about: the agents of F.E.A.S.T., led by the one and only Pizza Cop, no doubt the greatest pizza-themed superhero in the history of our universe. With an unruly group of homicidal Big Belly Burger mascots standing in their way, there’s no way to tell for sure how this pizza dough might land, but everyone who’s seen PC in action is ready to order a second slice. (Catch Pizza Cop and his retinue in Green Lantern, until they inevitably spin off into their own franchise.)
That’s all for this month! Catch me next time, same time, as long as I’m not obliterated in a Crisis event or activated as a Manhunter sleeper agent. I’m not saying I am one, I’m saying I wouldn’t know if I was. Look, my lawyer already proved in Ryder v. Pannell that nothing I say in this column is admissible in court. We’re covered here.
Splash Pannell is widely recognized as DC.com’s most fictional journalist. They are currently doing their best to stay as far away from Gotham City as possible until its little weed problem gets resolved. Coworker Alex Jaffe is putting a request in to get them assigned there next month.
NOTE: The views and opinions expressed in this feature are solely those of Splash Pannell and do not necessarily reflect those of DC or Warner Bros. Discovery, nor should they be read as confirmation or denial of future DC plans.
