It’s been two weeks since DC.com editor Tim Beedle asked me to write an article for today. As usual, I gave him a list of ideas for something that might be entertaining or informative to readers and among them was this premise. People like personality quizzes, right? We love being sorted into houses, being told something about ourselves by our choices, getting a mascot to represent us. Let’s do that with a superhero team again. I mean we’ve done it before with Green Lantern. What about… I don’t know, Xenobrood? A team from a ’90s book I mainly know about as one of the very few DC titles to start with an X, presumably so it would be shelved next to a much more popular team book by another publisher on the shelves?

Well, Tim called my bluff. I don’t, uh…actually know anything about Xenobrood. I read the #0 issue, but these guys only show up on the last page. The other issues aren’t collected, and they’re not really available digitally, and no comic retailer I know carries these back issues, so I’m just gonna have to guess based on their names. Reader, if you’re cool about this, maybe we can get away with something here. My theory is that my editor is really, really busy, and he’s just gonna skim this one for subsections and tell me it’s good to go. Just do me a solid and share this like it really told you something, and we’ll all get out of this one okay.

ASTRA

Okay, “Astra” means “Star” in Latin, so I’m going to say you’re Astra if you’re kind of spacey, but love to be the center of attention. Main Character Energy. I’m going to presume your favorite color is blue. Tag your friend who went to space camp and wanted to be an astronaut when they were a kid, but couldn’t make it because they ruined their eyes by reading too many comics at night. Hey, maybe they read Xenobrood. If they still have the singles, let me know.

BLIP

Blip’s gotta be the teleporter, right? There aren’t enough straight up teleportation people in the DC Universe, so that’s pretty useful. Most of our guys who can do this need to drag you through some kind of nightmare shadowland first. If your favorite color is green, then you’re Blip. I’m also going to say you’re kind of flighty, and like to leave parties without making the rounds to say goodbye to everyone. I mean, I get it. It’s tedious. Maybe I’m a Blip. Or maybe, if you’ll bear with me, we have every Xenobrood within us all, which is why these characters have stood the test of time as such enduring archetypes.

THRASHER

Now we’re talking. Thrasher’s the team brute for sure. I feel pretty safe on this one. He’s cool, but rude. Cool but crude? I’ve heard it both ways. I’d say you’re Thrasher if your favorite color is brown, but nobody’s favorite color is brown. If you don’t have a favorite color because you feel like having one makes you feel less masculine, then you’re a Thrasher. You’re always the fighter or the barbarian on D&D night, and you could probably really use therapy to work out some unresolved issues with your parents. If you were waiting for a sign, this is the sign.

ZAPATAK

Oooh, baby. Look at that name. The Z starter, the stylish K. Is this the nineties or what? Lightning powers, attitude, almost definitely the quip generator who breaks up action scenes with taunting dialogue. Zapatak’s your Electric Superman, your Static, the one who’s “not your DAD’S superhero.” If you’re the Zapatak, your favorite color is purple, you’ve thought about starting a SoundCloud page to launch a rap career and you are constantly microblogging your hilarious jokes like everyone needs to see them. Dang. Maybe I’m not the Blip, but I’m actually the Zapatak. (And yes, you can quote me on that. Just don’t be surprised if people start looking at you like you had a stroke.) Anyhow, you know what they say. If you look around the table and don’t see the Zapatak, it’s probably you.

All right! I think we got there! Now to plug this all into a word counter… 700? Oh, lord. I need a hundred more on these guys to hit the minimum. Maybe I can wrap all this up in some kind of message.

Okay, you know what? Let’s talk about unpreserved media. If there’s any kind of moral here, it’s that you can’t always count on a digital library or trade line to cover the entirety of comic book history, so there are always going to be gaps in your experience. What makes the comics community so cool is that it’s always possible that someone else has read something you haven’t, or in a different order, or with a different point of view. We all learn from each other about this sprawling universe of collaborative creativity, and not even a Professional DC Comics Expert like myself is always going to be perfect. So we’re always going to have to lean on each other. And I think that’s beautiful.

Or, you know, maybe DC can finally give us all what we clearly need and digitize this thing. For all I know, it could be really good and super ahead of its time. Maybe Xenobrood was the Absolute Universe of its era and none of us even know! Xenobrood walked so that Absolute Batman could run and jack stuff up with his giant bat-axe. Honestly, I think Thrasher would approve.

Okay, now we’re good. Let’s cut and print. Let me know if you want me to do the Legion of Substitute Heroes next time, Tim.
 

Xenobrood #0 can be read in full on DC UNIVERSE INFINITE. (As for the rest of the series, I dunno, man. Maybe hit up that weird uncle of yours who still raves about how amazing CrossGen was back in the day?)

Alex Jaffe is the author of our monthly "Ask the Question" column and writes about TV, movies, comics and superhero history for DC.com. Follow him on Bluesky at @AlexJaffe and find him in the DC Official Discord server as HubCityQuestion.

NOTE: The views and opinions expressed in this feature (and we can’t stress this enough here) are solely those of Alex Jaffe and do not necessarily reflect those of DC or Warner Bros. Discovery, nor should they be read as confirmation or denial of future DC plans.